Sometimes I Wonder if I Am Just Not Ambitious Enough, And That’s OK
I live in this hypergrowth city of San Francisco, surrounded by some of the brightest minds, the shiny scalability of things, career, and startups, and opportunity.
But I’m tired and realize perhaps, just maybe I’m not ambitious enough.
I probably won’t ever be an executive, or a CEO, or a founder of anything. I admire their tenacity and their zeal for their work, but I see the costs and sacrifices associated with getting there, and I’d rather not have a life like that.
I sometimes forget that the Bay Area is condensed with geniuses — people who have well groomed pedigrees and an impressive list of things they’ve accomplished. But not everywhere is like here, and I’ve forgotten that. That other people live life differently elsewhere.
I miss the simplicity and warmth of sitting in the sun on a balcony back in Torrance. I miss having the time to build and solidify human connection with people I care about. But nowadays, my mind is always filled with career thoughts. I don’t feel like I need the recognition or have the drive to climb a corporate ladder; yet because I’m always surrounded by people who do, I feel like I need to too. Instead, I want to own interesting side projects, and work in creative ways like own a small business or rent out small properties. I want the flexibility of running around on my own time and freedom to leave whenever I want. Not waking up in a cold sweat about if I had finished one detail of a project at work.
Everyone keeps telling me that the 20s is the best time to build your career, to work hard (as much as you can), and that it’s the most defining time of your professional life. But why can’t I work smart, not hard? Why can’t I enjoy my life while I have my youth?
I still crave challenges, but only ones that are fulfilling to me and that fit into my personal ambitions. But I’m always questioning myself. Am I not ambitious enough if I want to leave at 4 pm so I can enjoy a few hours of light before I head home? Do I come off not as hard working when others are willing to stay until 8 pm? But after random travel trips outside of the Bay Area, I realized I didn’t always have to live my life this way. People lived differently and beautifully in other ways, without such a focus on work. There were different focuses, like on art, on family, on happiness, on health, and on self.
Perhaps I’m not that ambitious the way that Bay Area wants me to be, and that’s OK. I am colorful and brilliant in my own ways, and the choices I choose to craft my life is valid — completely valid even if it’s not aligned with social norms or my parents’ expectations.
If anything I’ve learned and read from the wisdom of others, it’s that they should have taken more risks in life and spent time with people they love. That aligns with my life. It is as simple as that.
Emily is a US expat currently living in Singapore to learn about the tech communities growing in Asia. She has worked 4+ years in dev relations, community management, and event marketing within the tech and travel industry. Her time at OmniSci, Google and Booking.com gave her cross-functional expertise. In her free time, she runs the volunteer community initiatives for TEDxSanFrancisco, as well as promote and blog on the importance of financial literacy and education.
